Mind Your Language
by AsWeAreNow
Summary: One night, America finds that, while he’s still able to speak languages other than English, his accent suddenly really sucks. T for swearing.


On a very fateful night in 2000, almost nothing was happening.

America and France were talking. America had come over to visit, and they were speaking in French, because French was a very nice language and France couldn't speak English for shit.

America listened to France speak, but after a moment the words were getting lost on him. It had been silent for a few moments, with America sipping some cherry juice to avoid having to speak, when finally he put it down and tried to speak. "Je... Je..." _What the fuck? _"Je ne comprends pas."

France frowned and tilted his head. And then, in slightly obscure English, he asked, "Why are you speaking French like an old English man going off of Google Translate? You were speaking fine just a moment ago."

"I can speak French fine!" America argued. "I can speak any language!"

"Say 'French' in French then."

"Fran-seh," America said. Even he heard how wrong it sounded.

"_Français_. You're pronouncing the n."

America tried again.

"_Français._"

"Fro-seh,"

"Well, now you're getting the 'R' wrong. _Français._"

America tried again.

France kept repeating the goddamn word, over and over again, and America repeated afterwards. After half an hour, they still hadn't made any progress.

"You know what, America, I'll just— I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

"What? It's five in the—," France left a certain amount of cash for the bill and walked out of the restaurant.

(Linebreak.)

Almost twenty years later, in a World Meeting, America's accent was still sticking out like a fucking obelisk whenever he spoke French. So after awhile of doing nothing and not speaking any other language (it hadn't exactly been at the top of his to-do list once the 2000s had really kicked off, after all), he decided he'd try a different language.

"Germany!" America called out, running up to him after the World Meeting. "Germany, come 'ere! I need to talk to you!"

Germany turned around. Usually he wouldn't really show any emotion, but his first thought was: _Woah, America cares about me again? _"What is it?" He asked, somewhat impatiently. He somehow found it hard to believe that America actually wanted to catch up or anything like that, and he wanted to get it over with. Plus, if it _was _true and America did care again and everything was going to go back to the way it was before, why run with pleasantries?

"I... um... I needed to catch up on my German," America said. "I figured you could help me, since Austria and Switzerland both have accents, and they won't wanna talk to me anyway."

Germany would've declined such a ridiculous request, especially since America clearly didn't actually care, but this was _America _they were talking about. America might've been coming back, finally! Maybe Germany actually did owe him a few favors, after all... "Okay," Germany said.

"It's... a little embarrassing, though, so, I... um..." America frowned. "So can we go in private?"

Germany nodded. They decided to just wait until everyone else had left.

"So... Why do you need help with German?"

"Well... I... just wanted to test something," America said slowly, frowning. "It's just... I can't really speak French very well anymore, and I wanted to see if I could still speak German."

"Okay. Say something, then."

"Um..." The only phrase he could remember was '_Ich vermisse dich_', so that was what he said. Except it didn't come out right. "Ik... ver-miss-eh dik..."

Germany was hit with conflicting thoughts. The first was, _Holy shit, he misses me! _and the second was not an actual thought but a primal instinct to be annoyed with America's pronunciation. He pushed it down, because America had said it himself! America actually missed him. "Das ist schön," Germany said quietly, almost to himself. "Ich vermisse dich," Germany said, a bit louder, stressing the parts he'd gotten wrong.

America tried again, and said it wrong the same way.

Germany frowned slightly. Thirty years ago, America had been speaking close-to-perfect German. Why had it changed?

America tried again, but couldn't get it right. After awhile, he said, "Um, how about a different phrase?" He was starting to remember more.

"Sure. How about something simple? _Gute Nacht, mein Freund._" It was the first phrase that came to mind.

America repeated after him. "Goot-eh Nakt, mein Freund." Which was better than 'Ik ver-miss-eh dik', but not by much.

"Sehr gut," Germany said. "But... you're over-pronouncing the R in Freund, and _Nacht _doesn't quite have a 'k' sound."

America tried again, but still got it wrong.

They went with a couple different phrases, before America finally stood up and said, "Well, thanks for your time." Almost as an afterthought, he added, "You really should be more self-reliant," and then he left the meeting hall.

_Oh well, _Germany thought. _He and I disagree on everything anyway. _But something was different this time. Now that he thought about it, he didn't really care at all. Besides, America was playing a dangerous game. It was best to leave him alone.

(Linebreak.)

America went home. _Man, Germany is such a nice dude, _he thought. _I'm so glad nothing's changed! _

And then when he got home he dealt with reality: he could still speak in other languages, but his accent was shit.

**In November of 2000, Utah became the twenty-sixth state to make English its official language, tipping the scales to over half the states and contrasting with America's 'No official language' shtick. **

**So why does this have so much Germany in it? Two reasons: A) I study German, not French or Russian or anything, and B) I wanted to write about America and Germany's relationship without actually creating an entire fic for it, in case I got anything wrong. I also didn't want to create an entire piece dedicated solely to America and Germany so I wouldn't have to argue over politics or upset anyone. Life is so, so very limited. **

**This doesn't necessarily reflect my political views; I confess that this was written on a Lufthansa flight, purely out of the depths of my own hellish mind. While I chased the sun all the way back home, I thought about how nice a bowl of ramen would be while drafting this and several other pieces. **

**As to why Germany's so goddamn OOC in this one: It's rather hard to keep a straight face these days, you know? Additionally, another anniversary is coming up for Germany and everything is changing. **

**I really did try to make everything accurate, but if anything here is insanely wrong, please let me know. A review would be wonderful. Stay safe, have a wonderful day, and make sure to stay hydrated and warm (or cool, if you're in one of those weird ass places like _Florida _or some shit— I mean seriously, even California's getting snow). **

**Title's a reference to the British sitcom. Oh, how I miss you. **


End file.
